Grieving the Compliments
Later this morning my youngest will proudly graduate from elementary school. This year the milestone is not only hers, but mine as well. Ending my involvement in the elementary school will be a big transition for me. No more board meetings, search committees or messy school politics. I'll miss them. More significantly though in this particular season, it's one of the few remaining communities of which I am a part where my contribution is openly valued and appreciated.
Fortunately, I'm not back to the situation a couple of years ago of having only myself to encourage myself about myself. Not to minimize the importance of believing in oneself and living out of a confidence grounded from deep within. And, at the other end of the spectrum, I definitely could never return to the dependent days early in my career when I sought my professional validation almost entirely from the feedback of others.
But there's still nothing quite like a genuine, "Thank you", "You're amazing", "We couldn't have done it without you", or "You make it look effortless."
It's a transition. I'll miss the collaboration and comaradarie. Yes, and today I'm grieving the loss of compliments. But in the bigger picture it's onto the next contribution and the richness of partnering with whoever those people will be.
1 Comments:
Good stuff here, Karl. I struggle with needing validation myself. In a sense, general approval is part of what drives me to pursue excellence. Of course, I myself need to approve of my work, so it is more than just needing approval from others.
My boss says that lack of encouragement is the hardest thing about being a leader. You can't trust the people underneath you--their compliments may be the brown-nosing variety. And your peers are often your competitors--hardly willing to offer you compliments on a regular basis.
I think we may be hardwired to need reassurance. We exist to worship God, and we long to hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Since I'm not very good at listening to God, I usually try to hear encouragement from other people, I guess. Too much of that thinking can get pretty unhealthy.
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